Anatidaephobic Anonymous

Pro-Tip: Pyrex will burst like a BOMB into a billion little pieces when exposed to cold liquids at 400 degrees. It’s pretty sweet.

Drop everything, we’ve got a situation here…

1. Remove your laptop from its bag
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully
3. Turn on
4. Ensure the passenger next to you is watching
5. Connect to the Internet
6. Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the sky as if in prayer
7. Take a deep breath and open this site and mutter, “it is done.”

The beatings from fellow passengers and years of torture in Guantanamo will be tough, but the look on your neighbor’s face is going to be priceless!

So, I’m your run of the mill evil supervillain. I enjoy long walks on the beach, being compared to Hitler while slowly torturing heroes in my elaborate traps, and quality time in the garage with my death ray. Recently I’ve been a bit down as I’ve been having trouble finding a really worthy adversary to do battle with on precarious precipices over thundering waterfalls and during harrowing hovercraft chases.

If you are a super hero, and are interested in finding a new villain to fill your time with, I think I will prove to be quite the catch. I’m despicably evil while at the same time possessing a semblance of honor which may tempt you to try fruitlessly to convert me to the call of goodness.

You will spend many an evening perched on rooftops, wandering the depths of treacherous ice caves, and stumbling into secret laboratories on forbidden islands while you slowly piece together my tragic past and learn the true nature of my cruelty and possibly the secret to my redemption.

Costumes and secret identities a plus, but not absolutely required.